The Undead Smart Set

Greetings,

My loyal readers will be aware that I detest everything concerning popular culture, but I still feel obligated to point out that the following is not a top ten list, nor is it a top anything list.  It is simply a series of relevant points, and I would appreciate that you not degrade it with vulgar nomenclature.

As many of you know, I am closely associated with Daverana Enterprises - I have even consented to offer my thoughts for publication on their website on a periodic basis.  Yet I am not a writer – you may think of me more as a patron of the fine art of turning the various speculative genres into the mainstream.  I do this for various reasons, including a certain amount of self-interest. 

Essentially, I’m here to tell the world that we need more writers in the speculative genres and, in order to convince you to leave the dark side (you’re actually writing romance?  I scoff!) and join us, we offer this list of great reasons to become a writer of science fiction, horror or fantasy.

1.  As an author, you will immediately have a peer group.  Granted, this group will be divided into two distinct classes: writers of brilliant prose that editors will always choose before your own and whack jobs who write to purge their inner demons and like nothing better than to send snarky replies to friendly rewrite requests.  And guess which group editors will automatically assume you belong in?  But a peer group is always something to be thankful for.

2.  You will have fans.  This is the reason you write, isn’t it?  Fans are cool, especially when they dress up as one of your characters and / or drop by your house at three in the morning to ask you why you’re not working on your long overdue final novel in the series.  Such loyalty.  I recently saw quite a flap over this topic after a George R.R. Martin blog post, so you don’t need to take my word for it.

3.  Character building.  Nothing builds a healthy respect for how the real world works quicker than messages from editors saying things like: ‘we’ll be happy to publish your story as soon as you send us something we wouldn’t be embarrased to see on the same ToC as our names.’  Remember:  what fails to kill you can only make you stronger.

4.  Learning to follow instructions / computer skills.  You will soon come to see that every genre publication has a different set of guidelines.  You will learn how to save a file as ASCII, translate text into Japanese, and even measure wordcount with a ruler.  Computer skills are always in demand, especially in this economy.

5.  Quick revenge.  So they bounced your story?  Not to worry.  The average life of speculative fiction magazines is measured in picoseconds.  Odds are that the mean editor who didn’t like your story will be gone from his post (or have his post disappear from under him) very soon.  The day after is always a good time to remind him that, if his publication had bought your material, it would still be around.

6.  Helping your best friend get more girls.  This is important, as one can never do too many nice things for one’s friends.  The method is simple: as soon as a girl approaches at a bar (or as soon as you approach her), tell her that you write science fiction – this should immediately make your best buddy seem much more attractive to her.

I hope you’re convinced.  Join us as we push bad thrillers off the shelves around the world!

I hope to see your name among the ranks soon.

H.